and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
