who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
