i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
