apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
whose parrot is this?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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