I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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