dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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