one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
