I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
