apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
