She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
