puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
