can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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