Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
