dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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