someone owes me an orgasm
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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