Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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