The maid of honor just puked.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's never too late to be topless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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