I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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