Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
