i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
