I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
