So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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