just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
