I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
