i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
