he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
