they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to fling myself into the sun
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