She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
