Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
