i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
