just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
