They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
