there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
