brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
