More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
