Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize