I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
