We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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