Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
