the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
