How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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