Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
