In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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