He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
