you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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