Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
