Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
