i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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