I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
