i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
