Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
