I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
