Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
