You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
