I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
