piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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