we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
