Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
