I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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