it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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