I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
