How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
