i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I could fuck to npr.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
