Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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