I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
