I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
