can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
